Introducing Our SON...

We got the okay to post pictures today of our son Milkias. We passed court on March 10th and are awaiting the paperwork to be completed and birth certificate so we can put in for our Embassy date and go and bring him home. He is such a happy looking little boy and we can't wait to see him blossom when he gets home. You can see he has a funny personality in many of the pictures.
Please pray that we get our Embassy date very soon so he will be home with us.

So Sorry

Well it's been a crazy busy week. But.... We passed Court!!!! EARLY!!!!!! I got the call Thursday morning. I was standing in the middle of Old Time Pottery with KK and couldn't believe it. Our case worker called and my heart sank at first thinking she was going to tell us that something was wrong but she answers saying:

You have a son...

Me: What...

Her: You have a son. You passed court.

Me: No that's not suppose to be until tomorrow.

Her: Well it was today..

Me: Wow, I have a son!!

I then turned to KK and told her M was finally ours. She started jumping up and down and yelling yeah! M is finally ours. I can't wait to tell Daddy.

So in the middle of the store I called Jim. And practically yelling into the phone.

Jim: Hey what's up

Me: We have a son!!!

Jim: What?

Me We have a son!! We Passed court early.

Jim: What We passed!. Oh I can eat.

Me: Yes you can eat now....

See we were both fasting until we heard something. Of course I fasted until our whole group heard their news. 3 of the 5 of us passed court. Please pray for the other two families to pass court so their little girls can come home very soon too. My heart aches for them and their little ones.

So that was Thursday, still trying to get used to the idea that 7,000 miles away our Son is waiting for us. There is now a Kirkland in Ethiopia waiting for us to pick him up.

Then Friday we had 25+ family at the house for Lawson's birthday and then 5 of his class mates came Saturday and 4 stayed the night. So you see it's Sunday morning and I have yet to sleep more than a handful of hours and haven't had time to update our blog. So forgive me if it sounds odd I am soooo tired and am going to bed now at 10:47 am on Sunday. And hopefully will sleep for more than 3-4 hours.

Only 3 more days...

Until we find out if we passed court or not. Huge request for prayers on Thursday. Our court is the 11th but since Ethiopia is 8 hours ahead of us our court will probably happen sometime while we sleep.

Who am I kidding there will be no sleep for me. It's gonna be a long week.

On top of court we also have two birthday parties for Lawson. One Friday night with the family and then a friend sleep over Saturday night. Not sure what I was thinking!

Let's just say our weekend will be VERY busy. I wish it was all happening during the week so maybe it would go by faster.

There really hasn't been much news on the Ethiopian adoption front. MOWCY is still trying to cut their letters of adoption recommendation but has been met with many agencies and groups opposition. We pray they will not cut the letters down and find a better solution to the issues at hand. The Children are the ones that suffer the most. Our pain waiting here is nothing compared to theirs.

I pray "M" does not feel we abandoned him and that he knows we are coming back as soon as they let us to bring him home. We just want him home with us. To start his new life with his new forever family. Give him the love, and stability he is lacking now. Don't get me wrong the nannies at the orphanage love those kids like their own But nothing can replace a Mother and Father's love and security. I wonder what he thinks of us those two crazy Americans who colored and played soccer with him all day and who left as quick as they came. I hope he feels the connection we feel towards him. I just want to hop on a plane Africa bound to see him and show him we will be back.

So 3 days until we know if he is legally our son and can put in for am Embassy date and bring him home.

Help Father. I need You now.

This morning I open facebook and read another one of our adoption buddies updates. As I read my heart and soul went cold. It seems they have an expired document ( on March 9th) and our court date is suppose to be the 10th. We pray they are allowed to pass anyway since it is so close.

Something that is very close to my heart since I went through our own docs this week and found that we had the 2006, 2007, and 2008 tax returns not 2009. The 2008 would be 2 + years and all docs should be less than 2 years. Now I don't know if this is a document that would affect us or not haven't heard back from my agency yet. I don't think it is but anything at this point sends a chill through you. Any delay in our case at all will result in a year + process to bring our boy home it seems.
You see the MOWCY(ministry of women and childrens affairs) has set the date for the decrease of 50+ letters to only 5 on March 10th. A day before our court date. If we do not pass on the 11th the wait will increase dramatically until we can get M home.

Here is a copy of the newspaper . This coupled with the looming US government shut down at embassy is not good news for anyone in the adoption process in Ethiopia and especially not the children it affects.

"Ethiopia is cutting back by as much as 90 percent the number of inter-country adoptions it will allow, as part of an effort to clean up a system rife with fraud and corruption. Adoption agencies and children's advocates are concerned the cutbacks will leave many Ethiopian orphans without the last-resort option of an adoptive home abroad.

Ethiopia's Ministry of Women's, Children's and Youth Affairs has issued a directive saying it will process a maximum of five inter-country adoptions a day, effective March 10. Currently, the ministry is processing up to 50 cases a day, about half of them to the United States.

A copy of the directive provided to VOA says the reduction of up to 90 percent in cases will allow closer scrutiny of documents used to verify a child's orphan status.

Ministry spokesman Abiy Ephrem says the action was taken in response to indications of widespread fraud in the adoption process.

"What we have seen so far has been some illegal practices. There is an abuse. There are some cases that are illegal. So these directives will pave the way to come up with [safeguards]," said Abiy Ephrem.

Investigations have turned up evidence of unscrupulous operators in some cases tricking Ethiopian parents to give up their children, then falsifying documents in order claim a part of the large fees involved in inter country adoptions.

American couples often pay more than $20,000 to adopt an Ethiopian child. Such amounts are an enormous temptation in a country where the average family earns a few hundred dollars a month.

U.S. State Department statistics show more than 2,500 Ethiopian orphans went to the United States last year. That is more than a ten fold increase over the past few years, making Ethiopia the second most popular destination for Americans seeking to adopt overseas, after China.

Child protection professionals generally welcomed efforts to clean up the system.

Some, however, questioned the motive behind the cutback. One adoption agency representative who asked not to be identified called the policy "ridiculous", and said it appears to be in retaliation for recent criticism of the government's lax oversight of the process.

Abigail Rupp, head of the consular section at the U.S. Embassy in Addis Ababa says the cutback is likely to result in a drop in adoptions to the United States from last year's 2,500 to fewer than 500. She says the biggest concern is for the estimated 1,000 children currently in the adoptions pipeline, who may be forced to wait more than a year for their cases to be considered.

"We share the government's concerns about the vulnerabilities in the process. But certainly we have concerns about children who would be waiting longer for their adoptions to be final. That would mean they would be in an orphanage or transition home for a longer period of time," she said.

Rupp said adoption agencies in Ethiopia should take the directive as a cue to be accountable for each case they bring forward, including knowing exactly how children in orphanages came to be there. She said government officials have indicated they may close as many as 45 orphanages as part of the effort to clean up what critics have labeled a "baby business".

Ted Chaiban, head of the Addis Ababa office of the U.N. children's agency UNICEF, called the new rules "an important step" in rooting out irregularities in the system and finding family-based local solutions for what the government estimates are 5 million Ethiopian orphans.

"What is important is that any child deemed to require care be looked at in terms of a range of options starting from family reunification all the way through inter country adoption. In that respect the work being done by the ministry needs to be strengthened and supported," he said.

U.S. Embassy officials late Friday indicated they are posting an adoption alert on the State Department's website addressing the concerns of Americans who will be affected by the Ethiopian government directive. The alert can be seen at www.adoptions.state.gov."

My spirit is broken yet again. My heart has never felt this much hurt. I know if I look into Biblical history our wait is just a drop in times bucket. But it feels like an eternity for us. Please pray that we pass on the 11th and can bring our son home sooner rather than later. We will wait to bring him home as long as it takes. But the pain is sometimes to much to for me to handle on my own. And that is sometimes how I feel On my own. I know thousands of people are going through this same process and feel the same hurt and longing as we do but I still feel tramped on this island by myself.

Please pray for everyone involved in this Ethiopian process and especially for us to all have peace and strength to look to HIM during these times of trail. And the children this will affect. That they will be taken care of while we wait to get them home.

What I love about my husband

My husband is constantly amazing me.
Today we were talking about a friend who going through a difficult time with their adoption process. We were talking about praying for this couple who may have to give up their referral (kinda long story please pray for them)
I told him all we could do is pray for them that God will make his will shown to them loud and clear. I know they love these kids with their whole hearts now. I have been there and loved our first referrals for a long time before we lost them.

I thought back to our first referrals how he was amazingly not devastated by loosing them like I was. What I came to realize was in his mind they were not ours and was not totally attached. He was open and willing to adopt them because it was right and he would have loved them but he just couldn't let himself get close to pictures of kids. All I can say is Thank You God for his feeling towards that whole experience. He was not cold, just guarded, I sometimes wish I had been more like him in that way. I don't think the kids could have gone through seeing both of their parents crying hysterically on the couch for days.

He then said the most touching thing I think I have ever heard come out of his mouth yet. "Now with our little man we have bonded with him, Loved him, played with, and accepted him. He is ours and we would wait years to bring him home if we had too. I've accepted him already as ours"

Now those words don't seem like much but coming from him that means " he's my son". That was huge to hear. I mean I knew that in my heart but his I wasn't so sure if he felt that way really or not yet.
If I have learned anything in this bumpy road journey it's that People surprise you along the way. They react differently and not always the way you think they would.

Only those who are going through this know...

This past week has been one kick in the gut after another. Here is the first email we received from our agency on Thursday.
" Serious need for prayer surrounds the most recent news coming out of MoWCY. According to Ato Zerihun, CWAE Country Representative, the Vice-Minister of MoWCY has written a letter to the Federal First Instance Court alleging MoWCY is unable to write more than 5 recommendation letters per day due to staff shortages and other priorities. This is a significant decrease from the previous 30 per day, as already seen in the number of court cases being delayed. Please pray specifically for the Network Committee as they seek an appointment with the Minister to discuss this situation."

Basically this means the time it takes all adoptions in Ethiopia to be done can increase drastically. I read this and felt sick to my stomach. I just kept pleading with God to let us get M home soon. I know there is nothing I can do about it but it doesn't stop the pain in my heart knowing he is there. I had almost come to terms with this horrible news when tonight I get this email stating Specific Prayer request from our agency again.
" In the qtrly stakeholder meeting with DOS officials this morning, it was mentioned that were the government shutdown to take place on March 4th, it would result in all non essential DOS/USCIS?NBC personnel being furloughed, including hose that work in the embassy and consulate offices around the world. If this happened, it woul affect all families in process of adopting in other countries( IE Ethiopia). The shutdown that occurred 15 yrs ago lasted 3 weeks, and no one knows how long another shutdown would last, or even if one will take place"

I was standing in the middle of Toysrus with my daughter, sister and niece while reading this message. All of the sudden all of the air seemed to be sucked out of the store and it felt as if I was going to implode. WHAT!!??? You have got to be kidding. Really I wanted to scream. Of course I kept it together and told my sister about the email. Of course she tried to tell me to put it in God's hands. Now I know this is what I should do, but right at that moment I wanted to run away and just hide from everything. I know like you can hide from God, childish I know. But I didn't want to face anything else. I was totally numb and hurting so bad at the same time. Would M ever get to come home? We met this precious little boy, he called me Mama we fell in love. The next part of the story is he is suppose to come home, right? A huge flood of doubt anger and frustration came pouring in.
I prayed under my breath just to let me hold it together till I could get them to their cars. As soon as they were out I lost it. I had to talk to someone who knew, someone who would understand all I felt. I called Jim. He listened while I told him about the email. He understands But I wear my heart on my sleeve and It is different for a mom than a dad. He tried to stay up beat but then basically told me thanks for sharing such bad news. Well dang it if I had to go through this it wasn't going to be alone! I know he didn't mean it like that. He just doesn't want to think about the negatives which is so unlike him. Like our rolls were reversed some where along the lines during this adoption.

So here I am feeling defeated. You know I am not strong enough for this anymore. I can't do this heartache anymore I have to stop trying to handle it.

Lord, I am here crying, broken, defeated, angry, needing to be put back together. Please help me not just to get through this but to come out on the other side singing praises not nursing my wounds. I need you to carry me right now.

Wait on the Lord

Here is the latest message....

Well we didn't pass but we knew going into it we wouldn't do to MOWA closing offices this week and not having their letter of recommendations. But when we got to court the birth parents had not been there yet. So we were very nervous about that. We looked around the small room and tried to pick out the mother from what I thought she would look like. The court judge pulled us in 3 families at a time, asked yes or no questions and we were done in 60 seconds. She gave another court date of March 8-10. It is really more time than we thought.

Then we went to Acicia village to spend a few hours with M. He was more open this time and even called out "Mama" as we were walking up, someone told me.
I didn't get to hear it though. :(

He was all smiles. Then we had a surprise visit from the birth parents. One father for another child came to say goodbye and then Jim & I walked up on M saying goodbye to his Mom. Talk about a punch in the gut. I was a wreck but held it somewhat together. Mostly scared and hurt for him but all went very well. She was very happy for him and told him something in his language and no tears. He opened up even more after their goodbye, letting Jim and I tickle him and throw him in the air. It was the hardest thing to leave him here not knowing when we will be back. Now it looks more like April/May. The plane ride home will be very hard.

All the Way from Africa

Well we had our second visit with M today. He is still very quiet but on the up side, when he saw me and Jim walk into the care center, he smiled and waved back to us. It's a start. The care givers said he has always been shy and quiet so this wasn't uncommon for him. He seems to tune out everything when he is doing a task like coloring. He did sit on my lap for a minute this afternoon but then a Nanny brought him a chair to sit on so it was short lived. He does the typical eye brow raise to answer yes to you. So when we tried to ask him a question he would raise his brows slightly for yes. But everything was yes so I am sure he didn't understand half of what we said. We get to go back after court on Monday and our time was moved up to 9:00 am instead of 11:00. We will probably not know if we passed court because of some office moving at MOWA this week. Bummed but our part will be done.

Jamie sent this to me in a message yesterday so I thought I'd pass it on. Later today I will post an "interview" with Lawson and Caitlyn to give you their perspectives on what's going on. :-)

The First Meeting

Jamie posted this on Facebook just a few minutes ago. When I learn more, I'll let you all know! Keep praying for favor!

Our first meeting went very well. He is so quiet and focused. Never seen a 6 yr old so focused on coloring , cars, and kicking around a ball. The boy has some serious soccer skills for a 6 yr old. :) He is a bit shy but I don't blame him. I'd just love to know what he was thinking. We get to go back Friday to visit again.

They Made It!

This is Jamie's niece, Amy, writing while she is in Africa. I was able to talk to my grandmother, Jamie's mom, this evening to get the update. Both Jamie and Jim made it safely to Ethiopia and are very tired from all the traveling. Lawson and Caitlyn got to talk to Mommy and Daddy. They will call everyday. As I write, I am very excited. Jamie posted on Facebook earlier that they will be able to meet M in the morning. Well, they're about 8 hours ahead of us...so what does that mean? It's 11:30pm here in Indiana and about 7:30am on the other side of the world. Just a few short hours and they get to meet him, the little boy they have worked so hard to bring home. :-)

I hope that Jamie was tired enough to actually get some sleep. She told me Sunday evening that she has been thinking about it so much that she lies awake. Well, the time for the court date is here. Once this is done and taken care of, it's only a few short weeks before M comes HOME. I am praying with all my might that there will be an immediate connection formed between Mom & Dad and their new son. I pray that he understands it all. I pray that their hearts would be able to convey the love they've been storing up for him. I also pray for favor with the judge and legal system there.

Well, that is all I know. I hope and pray that you will join with me in praying for them. While we sleep, they walk into a new phase of their lives. It's not over yet. Quite the opposite, actually. The best is yet to come!

3 Days

Wow, In just 3 days we will be getting on a plan to Ethiopia to meet M. I can not wait. I am both scared, excited, nervous, terrified, happy all at the same time. I never thought we'd actually get to this day when we started this journey. It has happened so fast it seems from September to now.

We have 3 very large suitcases 2 of which are donations. That is if I can stop myself from buying more in the meantime. Might end up being 4 suitcases:) Good thing about that is the donation suitcases will be empty once we get there so I will have a blast trying to fill them back up with new purchases over there. Of course Jim says just cause we have them does not mean we need to fill them up. I say what a waste that would be shipping back empty ones. He obviously doesn't know me very well.

One thing I can not wait for is the messes around the house to be clean again.

Our dinning room looks like a war zone. It has been trip central for the past month. Our dinning room table has served a different purpose than intended. We do not eat at because we can not. There is still stuff to be packed all over it. Most people would hide the packing nightmare but not me I want to walk by it everyday so it reminds me of things I need to get done or pack.

This will be the last weekend before our table will resume to the normal status of feeding the masses.

Well not sure if I will be able to blog while there but my niece will try to keep it updated with any new info for me while I am gone. 3 days, 3 days, seems like lifetime from now but will be here in just 3 day:)

2 weeks

In just 15 short days we will board a plane for the trip of our lifetime. I am so excited I can hardly contain it anymore. Going to the hospital to have both of our children was exciting and scary but this is different. We've seen our son's face we know what he looks like. We will be meeting him for the first time in a place neither of us ever thought we'd be.

No Doctors, no nurses, no family in the waiting room for support. Just us meeting this scared little boy who we have only seen in pictures. Hoping he warms up to these two strangers.

We will know what he looks like but he has never seen us not even in pictures.

I just pray God will prepare him for us. That he will somehow know why we are there and how loved he will be.

15 days, doesn't seem to long but feels like an eternity to me.

Merry Christmas - Third Day

Wonderful News!!!

I have not kept up the blog. Busy with kids, work, life in general. But that's no excuse. Because I had great news to share but didn't take the time to do it.

Well here goes......

WE HAVE A COURT DATE!!!! Yes Feb 7th we will stand in front of an Ethiopian Judge to tell him Yes we have seen M and want him!!! Seems like this date would never come. After the year or ups and downs and heartache we will get to meet our little man sometime on Feb 2nd. That day can not come soon enough for me.

We have our flights, guest house reservations and just need to get stuck with another needle for Yellow fever and visas and we are on our way. Time seems to be going at super sonic speed and slow motion all at once.

It's enough to make you go bonkers:) But now I've hit planner mode. Buying little soaps, shampoos, medicines to take and anything else I can think of for a trip around the world.

Good news is that this trip we will have time to ourselves to rest, shop and just soak in as much of Ethiopia as possible so the second trip we can completely focus on M.

I do have major pray requests now.

1. that we make it through the over 24 hr travel to get there.

2. That we stay healthy in the meantime and there.

3. and this is the huge one. That the birth family makes it to court with all proper identification, and passes so that we will know if M is ours before we leave Ethiopia.

Yes there is a chance we might not pass court, and the birth family could decide not to allow the adoption. But we have seen God provide so much for this little boy and we stand in faith. But just ask for prayer for the next leg of our journey to bring him home.

Waiting for Court Date!

We have accepted the 6 yr old little boy referral. So his papers were submitted to court Nov 22. Yeah!!
Now we are just waiting to get our court dates. They say it can be 4 weeks or more to receive your court date. I am hoping we know by Christmas when we will get to travel to meet this amazing child.
We have a first name picked out that is close to his Ethiopian name but the middle name is up for debate.
I like Malachi Jameson, or Malachi James, but the jury is still out on this.

Please pray for him and us as we wait. He is so precious and I can not wait to meet him and to learn all about him.

Referral

Funny thing. This weekend I was telling people we probably wouldn't get the call about a referral until December or so. I was half hoping for this to be honest. I just put money down to pay for me and my sisters trip over Spring break to Disney with the kids. So long I prayed for the call, but now it didn't fit my scheduled plan of events. Hahaha how that must have made God laugh. He does have a sense of humor you know.

Well, today we got a call stating they had a little boy in mind for us. We are cautious but a little excited. When we opened the email I half expected to see lights flashing, birds singing, all that stuff.

But instead I saw a little boy. Cute, smiling little boy. We are not sure if he is the one but I am praying for guidance, and peace with the decision we are having to make now. Please keep us in your prayers as we try to listen to what God wants for our family, whether it's this adorable child or another we are not sure yet.

Updates

Sorry it's been so long since our last post. We just needed to take a little time away for a while but are back now. Many ask so what's happened? Well in a word, nothing. We are on a waiting list again. We are hoping for a referral to come soon. We are waiting for a child ages 2-6. You would think that would be a short wait but alas it is not. We continue to pray for the two that we couldn't bring home.

We pray that God blesses them beyond anything they could imagine and that he uses their lives to the be the light needed in their community. It was upsetting for a while to think about their lives and to try to understand what God had in store for them now. But I have learned that He does know best and will take care of these children.

So now we wait for our next child. I pray that God brings the perfect child for our family. One that fits like a Kirkland. Please continue to pray for our family.

Heavy Heart

Well, due to circumstances beyond our control the two siblings we have been trying to adopt are no longer available for adoption. Our hearts ache for them and our families here. My heart is heavy. I can see why adoptive Mom's compare losing a referral to losing a pregnancy. You carry these children so close to your heart for so long and then knowing you will never meet them in person or hold them hurts you in a way you didn't expect. We haven't told our kids about it yet and not sure if they will understand it completely.

We are uncertain what lies ahead for us. Right now I can not think past the hurt and am looking to God for comfort and direction.

Pray for our family that God will make his will known for us.

190 Days waiting

I can't believe it. it's been 190 Days since we accepted our two children's referrals. 190 Days! Wow, time has gone by fast when I look at it that way but seems to creep by on the day to day level. I have to admit I have been very discouraged in this final leg of the process. Nothing is happening like I had thought it should.

In my world the kids would have a court date and be home before Christmas, but that is not what God has in store. I know his plans are perfect. But sometimes I just wonder why??

Why do these two kids have to be there and not here with us? Why does a 13-15 yr old young man have to go another day without a father figure to love and guide him? Why does a tiny toddler have to be afraid of strangers and not have someone singing to her and holding her at night?

I do not have any answers to these questions. And that makes me very sad. I have let the fear take over me at times. Not fear of when the kids get here but more like what if they never get here? What if I can't make all of those parenting mistakes you dred about as a Mom?? I know I'll make mistakes I mean biological or not doesn't matter I am not perfect just ask my kids and husband:)

I know fear is not from our Father. I know this but yet sometimes it doesn't matter that I know. It's like knowing the pan in the oven is hot yet still grabbing for it anyway. Like we all haven't done that at least once. But something that simple has an immediate reaction to physical pain and you stop or remember it the next time you are grabbing for it.

Fear has no reaction accept more fear. The What ifs are the reason I fear. Funny thing is Life is full of them but I can only focus on the kids right now. There are so many other things I could fear but don't. Because this is where my heart is 7,000 miles away yet still here with me. It's a heart torn down the middle two places at once. I give my family here my all(as much as I can on any given day) and at night I lay awake thinking of my other kids. Praying, hoping, longing for them to be here. I pray for the day my whole family will be here and my heart not torn in two.

I just need prayers for peace and understanding, and even more faith that this is all for something to honor God. I feel I have let Him down like I should be able to have all of the Faith I need for this but I stumble and fall daily it seems my prayers have become the same everyday.

Patience grasshopper. Wow how two words can define months of what I have been feeling.

Patience.. Peace... Faith...

Sorry for the rant just having one of those moments. One on those Human emotional things I hate about me.

I never knew it was going to be this hard!

Waiting

I haven't posted in a while. Basically because there was no news on the region our Ethiopian kids are from yet. We were told on June 22nd there was going to be training and the region would then open back up after that. I guess I held my breath and prayed we would hear it opened on the 23rd. Well we haven't heard anything yet. We are waiting to see now. I am praying that somehow we will make the cutoff for the court date before the closing of the summer court. In Ethiopia the courts close from August till first of Oct. If we do not get a court date( which now will take a miracle) then our court day will be after Oct and we might not get the kids until early next year. I remind myself that God's timing is perfect but I still want them home terribly.

Sometimes this journey feels surreal. I browse all of the adoption blogs praying and hoping that there is an update out there and maybe my agency just forgot to tell us about it.

Please pray for us to have the peace we need. I know the kids feel it too. They ask why we have to wait and why we can't just go get them. In their minds they know they don't have a Mom and Dad so why make them wait when we want them to be a part of our family. They are so innocent and pure of heart. It's hard to explain why we just can't go get them. Especially when I feel the same way they do. We are so ready to love these kids and make them part of our family.