This past week has been one kick in the gut after another. Here is the first email we received from our agency on Thursday.
" Serious need for prayer surrounds the most recent news coming out of MoWCY. According to Ato Zerihun, CWAE Country Representative, the Vice-Minister of MoWCY has written a letter to the Federal First Instance Court alleging MoWCY is unable to write more than 5 recommendation letters per day due to staff shortages and other priorities. This is a significant decrease from the previous 30 per day, as already seen in the number of court cases being delayed. Please pray specifically for the Network Committee as they seek an appointment with the Minister to discuss this situation."
Basically this means the time it takes all adoptions in Ethiopia to be done can increase drastically. I read this and felt sick to my stomach. I just kept pleading with God to let us get M home soon. I know there is nothing I can do about it but it doesn't stop the pain in my heart knowing he is there. I had almost come to terms with this horrible news when tonight I get this email stating Specific Prayer request from our agency again.
" In the qtrly stakeholder meeting with DOS officials this morning, it was mentioned that were the government shutdown to take place on March 4th, it would result in all non essential DOS/USCIS?NBC personnel being furloughed, including hose that work in the embassy and consulate offices around the world. If this happened, it woul affect all families in process of adopting in other countries( IE Ethiopia). The shutdown that occurred 15 yrs ago lasted 3 weeks, and no one knows how long another shutdown would last, or even if one will take place"
I was standing in the middle of Toysrus with my daughter, sister and niece while reading this message. All of the sudden all of the air seemed to be sucked out of the store and it felt as if I was going to implode. WHAT!!??? You have got to be kidding. Really I wanted to scream. Of course I kept it together and told my sister about the email. Of course she tried to tell me to put it in God's hands. Now I know this is what I should do, but right at that moment I wanted to run away and just hide from everything. I know like you can hide from God, childish I know. But I didn't want to face anything else. I was totally numb and hurting so bad at the same time. Would M ever get to come home? We met this precious little boy, he called me Mama we fell in love. The next part of the story is he is suppose to come home, right? A huge flood of doubt anger and frustration came pouring in.
I prayed under my breath just to let me hold it together till I could get them to their cars. As soon as they were out I lost it. I had to talk to someone who knew, someone who would understand all I felt. I called Jim. He listened while I told him about the email. He understands But I wear my heart on my sleeve and It is different for a mom than a dad. He tried to stay up beat but then basically told me thanks for sharing such bad news. Well dang it if I had to go through this it wasn't going to be alone! I know he didn't mean it like that. He just doesn't want to think about the negatives which is so unlike him. Like our rolls were reversed some where along the lines during this adoption.
So here I am feeling defeated. You know I am not strong enough for this anymore. I can't do this heartache anymore I have to stop trying to handle it.
Lord, I am here crying, broken, defeated, angry, needing to be put back together. Please help me not just to get through this but to come out on the other side singing praises not nursing my wounds. I need you to carry me right now.
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