Only those who are going through this know...

This past week has been one kick in the gut after another. Here is the first email we received from our agency on Thursday.
" Serious need for prayer surrounds the most recent news coming out of MoWCY. According to Ato Zerihun, CWAE Country Representative, the Vice-Minister of MoWCY has written a letter to the Federal First Instance Court alleging MoWCY is unable to write more than 5 recommendation letters per day due to staff shortages and other priorities. This is a significant decrease from the previous 30 per day, as already seen in the number of court cases being delayed. Please pray specifically for the Network Committee as they seek an appointment with the Minister to discuss this situation."

Basically this means the time it takes all adoptions in Ethiopia to be done can increase drastically. I read this and felt sick to my stomach. I just kept pleading with God to let us get M home soon. I know there is nothing I can do about it but it doesn't stop the pain in my heart knowing he is there. I had almost come to terms with this horrible news when tonight I get this email stating Specific Prayer request from our agency again.
" In the qtrly stakeholder meeting with DOS officials this morning, it was mentioned that were the government shutdown to take place on March 4th, it would result in all non essential DOS/USCIS?NBC personnel being furloughed, including hose that work in the embassy and consulate offices around the world. If this happened, it woul affect all families in process of adopting in other countries( IE Ethiopia). The shutdown that occurred 15 yrs ago lasted 3 weeks, and no one knows how long another shutdown would last, or even if one will take place"

I was standing in the middle of Toysrus with my daughter, sister and niece while reading this message. All of the sudden all of the air seemed to be sucked out of the store and it felt as if I was going to implode. WHAT!!??? You have got to be kidding. Really I wanted to scream. Of course I kept it together and told my sister about the email. Of course she tried to tell me to put it in God's hands. Now I know this is what I should do, but right at that moment I wanted to run away and just hide from everything. I know like you can hide from God, childish I know. But I didn't want to face anything else. I was totally numb and hurting so bad at the same time. Would M ever get to come home? We met this precious little boy, he called me Mama we fell in love. The next part of the story is he is suppose to come home, right? A huge flood of doubt anger and frustration came pouring in.
I prayed under my breath just to let me hold it together till I could get them to their cars. As soon as they were out I lost it. I had to talk to someone who knew, someone who would understand all I felt. I called Jim. He listened while I told him about the email. He understands But I wear my heart on my sleeve and It is different for a mom than a dad. He tried to stay up beat but then basically told me thanks for sharing such bad news. Well dang it if I had to go through this it wasn't going to be alone! I know he didn't mean it like that. He just doesn't want to think about the negatives which is so unlike him. Like our rolls were reversed some where along the lines during this adoption.

So here I am feeling defeated. You know I am not strong enough for this anymore. I can't do this heartache anymore I have to stop trying to handle it.

Lord, I am here crying, broken, defeated, angry, needing to be put back together. Please help me not just to get through this but to come out on the other side singing praises not nursing my wounds. I need you to carry me right now.

Wait on the Lord

Here is the latest message....

Well we didn't pass but we knew going into it we wouldn't do to MOWA closing offices this week and not having their letter of recommendations. But when we got to court the birth parents had not been there yet. So we were very nervous about that. We looked around the small room and tried to pick out the mother from what I thought she would look like. The court judge pulled us in 3 families at a time, asked yes or no questions and we were done in 60 seconds. She gave another court date of March 8-10. It is really more time than we thought.

Then we went to Acicia village to spend a few hours with M. He was more open this time and even called out "Mama" as we were walking up, someone told me.
I didn't get to hear it though. :(

He was all smiles. Then we had a surprise visit from the birth parents. One father for another child came to say goodbye and then Jim & I walked up on M saying goodbye to his Mom. Talk about a punch in the gut. I was a wreck but held it somewhat together. Mostly scared and hurt for him but all went very well. She was very happy for him and told him something in his language and no tears. He opened up even more after their goodbye, letting Jim and I tickle him and throw him in the air. It was the hardest thing to leave him here not knowing when we will be back. Now it looks more like April/May. The plane ride home will be very hard.

All the Way from Africa

Well we had our second visit with M today. He is still very quiet but on the up side, when he saw me and Jim walk into the care center, he smiled and waved back to us. It's a start. The care givers said he has always been shy and quiet so this wasn't uncommon for him. He seems to tune out everything when he is doing a task like coloring. He did sit on my lap for a minute this afternoon but then a Nanny brought him a chair to sit on so it was short lived. He does the typical eye brow raise to answer yes to you. So when we tried to ask him a question he would raise his brows slightly for yes. But everything was yes so I am sure he didn't understand half of what we said. We get to go back after court on Monday and our time was moved up to 9:00 am instead of 11:00. We will probably not know if we passed court because of some office moving at MOWA this week. Bummed but our part will be done.

Jamie sent this to me in a message yesterday so I thought I'd pass it on. Later today I will post an "interview" with Lawson and Caitlyn to give you their perspectives on what's going on. :-)

The First Meeting

Jamie posted this on Facebook just a few minutes ago. When I learn more, I'll let you all know! Keep praying for favor!

Our first meeting went very well. He is so quiet and focused. Never seen a 6 yr old so focused on coloring , cars, and kicking around a ball. The boy has some serious soccer skills for a 6 yr old. :) He is a bit shy but I don't blame him. I'd just love to know what he was thinking. We get to go back Friday to visit again.

They Made It!

This is Jamie's niece, Amy, writing while she is in Africa. I was able to talk to my grandmother, Jamie's mom, this evening to get the update. Both Jamie and Jim made it safely to Ethiopia and are very tired from all the traveling. Lawson and Caitlyn got to talk to Mommy and Daddy. They will call everyday. As I write, I am very excited. Jamie posted on Facebook earlier that they will be able to meet M in the morning. Well, they're about 8 hours ahead of us...so what does that mean? It's 11:30pm here in Indiana and about 7:30am on the other side of the world. Just a few short hours and they get to meet him, the little boy they have worked so hard to bring home. :-)

I hope that Jamie was tired enough to actually get some sleep. She told me Sunday evening that she has been thinking about it so much that she lies awake. Well, the time for the court date is here. Once this is done and taken care of, it's only a few short weeks before M comes HOME. I am praying with all my might that there will be an immediate connection formed between Mom & Dad and their new son. I pray that he understands it all. I pray that their hearts would be able to convey the love they've been storing up for him. I also pray for favor with the judge and legal system there.

Well, that is all I know. I hope and pray that you will join with me in praying for them. While we sleep, they walk into a new phase of their lives. It's not over yet. Quite the opposite, actually. The best is yet to come!